Psychologists Explain How to Live a “Soft Life”

The hustle culture. The nine-to-five. The daily grind. Whatever you call it, we’ve been conditioned to work, work, work, work, work (cue RiRi). It’s no wonder quiet quitting took off and made headlines. Another viral TikTok trend has taken it a step further by renouncing the stress and hamster wheel of the traditional job. Coined the “soft life,” the term refers to a lifestyle that embraces rest and ease, a notion that has gotten lost in today’s toxic productivity shuffle. So is living the soft life all that it’s cracked up to be? Read on to learn the ins and outs of the soft life’s MO and how to adapt it to your own life.  

What is a “Soft Life?”

Originating in the Nigerian influencer community, the term “soft life” or “soft era” describes living a life of enjoyment and comfort, while limiting stress. With over 1 billion views and counting on TikTok, there’s no shortage of content depicting the stress-free #softlife, popularized namely by Black women creators and influencers who are putting themselves first in response to the hustle and “girlboss” culture of the 2010s. According to the Transparent Black Girl page, soft living is about Black women no longer accepting strength and work ethic as their sole identities.

“A ‘soft life’ is about choosing ease, joy, and alignment with your true self,” explained Attiya Awadallah, a psychotherapist and owner at Lenora: Art Therapy and Counseling. “It’s about simplifying your approach to life, prioritizing emotional, mental, and physical well-being, and creating a sense of balance and fulfillment. Instead of constantly striving for achievement or external validation, a soft life encourages you to slow down and embrace peace, rest, and meaningful connections.” Living a soft life invites you to cultivate emotional resilience, release unnecessary pressures, and focus on well-being from within. “This doesn’t mean you’re avoiding responsibilities or life’s challenges—it’s more about approaching life with balance, boundaries, and a sense of purpose,” emphasized Lauren Auer, a therapist and trauma expert at Steadfast Counseling. “Living softly means making decisions that are rooted in what feels right for you, that respect your needs and align with your values.”

While some paint an extravagant picture of the viral trend with glimpses of fine dining, upscale vacations, and luxury everything (cars, clothes, workouts), others pass over the consumerism of it and focus on true self-care (think: going to therapy, delegating tasks, setting firm boundaries). Living a soft life is subjective, and anyone can experience it. The purpose of the soft life is to reject the struggle, stress, and anxiety that come with hustle culture, and instead prioritize joy and experience.

It’s not about scaling back on your career efforts like quiet quitting; it’s about prioritizing your joy first, which can mean quitting a toxic job or leaning into the aspects of your job you genuinely love. It’s not anti-work; it just means setting boundaries where you need (work, relationships, housework, etc.), so you feel less stress and more joy in your life overall. Soft living can look opulent, but at its core, it’s a mindset fostering balance, self-awareness, intentionality, and joy. 

“Living softly means making decisions that are rooted in what feels right for you, that respect your needs and align with your values.”

 

Tips for Adopting a Soft Life

Much like self-care and wellness overall, no matter what the soft life means to an influencer or how it’s portrayed, you do you—do what brings you joy and what works for your mental, physical, and emotional health. Ahead, hacks to embrace the soft life in your own way. 

Prioritize rest as a foundation

Rest is productive. The laundry, work emails, and grocery shopping can wait. There will always be something demanding your attention or to check off your to-do list, but your mind and body aren’t built to run on empty. “Rest isn’t optional in a soft life; it’s foundational,” Awadallah said. “Embracing rest without guilt means understanding that it’s essential for your well-being. Honoring rest is just as important as any other responsibility.”

When you take the time to unplug, be still, and relax, not only will it pay off for your mental and physical health, but also your creativity, productivity, and mood. Taking time to rest and recharge allows you to show up more fully in other areas of your life. The soft life is about bringing balance and grace into every corner of your day. To ensure you fit in your R&R, schedule your breaks and treat them as mandatory appointments, just as you would a health check-up or work meeting. 

Get out of “fight-or-flight” mode

A key component of leaning into the soft lifestyle is taking stress out of the equation (I know, that seems impossible). Because, as we can all attest, the “fight-or-flight” state of stress wreaks havoc on our well-being, often leading to migraines, digestive issues, and anxiety. “To live a soft life means stepping out of the constant “fight-or-flight” mode—where everything feels like a survival response—and instead creating a life that has freedom, flexibility, and flow,” Auer said. “It’s about moving away from the idea that we always need to hustle or push ourselves to the limit and making space for ease and well-being. This often means doing the work to regulate your nervous system so you can live from a place of calm instead of stress.” When your body isn’t constantly in high alert, you can make choices that are healthier and more intentional.

We all handle stress differently, so it may take experimenting with different techniques to reduce it. Some tried-and-true methods? Therapy, practicing mindfulness, engaging in breathwork, walking, and getting optimal sleep. Even just taking more breaks throughout the day can help you feel more centered and grounded.

Establish boundaries with your time and priorities

Whether we’re talking work, relationships, or sex, setting boundaries is a non-negotiable for maintaining balance in your life and caring for your mental health. First things first: Learn to get comfortable saying “no.” If you’re a people-pleaser (same) and the word doesn’t exist in your vocabulary, remember that by always saying “yes,” you’re also turning your back on things that are important to you—be it time off or respect. “Part of living softly is being really intentional with how you spend your time and what you choose to prioritize,” Auer said. “It’s about saying ‘no’ to what drains you and making sure your life reflects what really matters to you. Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no to others, but also protecting your own energy and well-being.”

Honor your needs and wants by being upfront and clearly communicating what is and what isn’t OK in your book, especially in regard to how you want to be treated. This might mean setting boundaries around your work hours or carving out time for rest and connection. The result? You’ll create trust, foster healthy connections, and be more appreciated.

“Soft living can look opulent, but at its core, it’s a mindset fostering balance, self-awareness, intentionality, and joy.”

Live intentionally 

Sure, having a routine takes the guesswork out of your day-to-day, but when you’re running on autopilot, how much are you focusing on the present moment? The first step in practicing intentional living is clearly identifying your values and what the best, higher, happiest version of yourself and your life embodies. Then, actively work towards them. 

One misconception of soft living is that you have to be swimming in money to enjoy life fully. Rather, it’s about being deliberate in how you spend your hard-earned cash and time (time is money after all). What experiences are important to you and make you feel good? Hone in on and go after those. “Living softly means crafting daily rituals that restore rather than drain,” Awadallah said. “These rituals aren’t about productivity, but about finding peace and resetting.” They could look like creative expression (i.e. doodling or drawing), movement, or a quiet cup of tea—anything that encourages you to relax, process your thoughts, and embrace the quiet moments in my day.

Let go of perfectionism

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword: On one hand, it can help you achieve your goals and strive to be your best self, but on the other hand, it can trigger negative self-talk, anxiety, and not feeling good enough. Living a soft life is the antithesis of perfectionism. Instead, it stands for accepting imperfection and letting go of the need to always “get it right.” “Embrace imperfection as part of the process and remind yourself that your value isn’t tied to flawless performance,” Awadallah said. “It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s in the moments of imperfection where we often find growth and ease. Letting go of perfectionism frees you to be more compassionate with yourself.”

So how do you learn to be “just OK” and relax your very high standards? You can start by asking for help when you need it. The soft life way of life includes allowing yourself to be vulnerable and asking for and accepting help without guilt. Whether you have too much on your plate at home or you can’t keep up with work deadlines, we all have breaking points. Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather an opportunity to build relationships and learn new skills from others. Then, there’s saying affirmations (my favorite: “I am enough”) when the self-criticism creeps in and releasing the all-or-nothing thinking. After all, perfection doesn’t exist; what your boss or friend deems perfect is different than what you might consider perfect.

Redefine success on your own terms

Traditionally, success is synonymous with words like money, career, power, and fame, measured by how much money you make, the job you have, and the status you’ve achieved. We’ve been conditioned to chase that idea of success, that we need to get better, faster, richer, more “successful.” But adopting a soft life approach redefines success as creating a life that honors your authentic self, personal values, and inner fulfillment. “Instead of allowing external achievements to define your worth, ask yourself what genuinely feels fulfilling,” Awadallah said. “When you redefine success on your own terms, you release the need for constant striving and instead appreciate what truly nourishes you.”

Instead of focusing on what someone else’s definition of success is and getting caught up in what you should or could be doing, Auer suggested considering your values and aligning them with your priorities: “A soft life isn’t about doing less just for the sake of it—it’s about doing what matters most to you. When you know what your values are, you can make sure your life aligns with them.” Say your top values are slower mornings, connection, and creativity. Then living softly can mean waking up earlier, dedicating time each week for your relationships, and pursuing a new hobby. When you know what you value most, you can create your own definition of success that will give you a more meaningful and lasting sense of fulfillment and happiness.

Experts Consulted