I’ve been divorced for nearly seven years and my ex-husband and I’ve joint custody of our three teenagers. Once we separated, we discovered a schedule that we thought would work for everybody: three nights with him in his new place, and 4 nights with me of their childhood house.
It was vital to my ex that I stored this home so the youngsters would have as a lot normalcy as doable. And I recognize that greater than I can categorical. The primary 5 years or so, the whole lot was nice, and the youngsters went backwards and forwards and didn’t appear to thoughts. Actually, they loved having two houses, two units of pets, and two completely different bedrooms. There was no complaining and despite the fact that their dad solely lives a couple of miles away from me, he’s nearer to their college and downtown, which they love.
However a couple of years in the past they stated that they didn’t like going backwards and forwards anymore. They needed to be “house,” as in the home I dwell in, as a result of that’s the place they felt most snug, and that’s the place most of their stuff was. In addition they began to have a couple of issues along with his live-in girlfriend and stated many instances they didn’t actually take pleasure in going to his home any extra.
Since they’re older youngsters, I actually can’t power them. Neither can their father. However this has actually bothered me. I don’t need my children to be uncomfortable, or in a spot that they don’t wish to be in. However my children having a relationship with their father is extraordinarily vital to me, and I do know it’s to them.
As a substitute of telling them it is high quality they usually can simply keep right here, I’ve inspired them to proceed spending time with him, and to speak how they’re feeling so he is aware of what’s occurring. Their father is an excellent dad, and he responds to how his children are feeling. If he’s left at nighttime, although, he has no manner of attempting to make issues work higher for them.
It will be very easy to take a seat right here and inform my children they’re sufficiently old to do what they need they usually don’t must go see their father. I may allow them to vent about all of the issues they don’t like about his girlfriend. I believe that might exacerbate the issue and push them additional away from their dad.
I consistently encourage them to spend time with their dad, even when they don’t wish to go there to spend the evening. I inform them how they may remorse it at some point in the event that they don’t spend quite a lot of time with him as a result of they solely get one father and they’re so fortunate to have such a great one. I’ve reminded them that their dad desires what’s finest for them, that they’re extraordinarily vital to him, and he deserves to understand how they’re feeling even when it makes them uncomfortable for a bit.
My relationship with my father is non-existent, and quite a lot of that has to do with him not eager to spend time with me after he and my mom divorced. I used to be a youngster, and he stopped attempting, so I finished attempting, and my mom by no means pushed me to achieve out to him once I was a child. My child’s dad would do nothing like that and I can’t let my children take the connection they’ve with him with no consideration.
I miss my children when they’re gone, and now that they’re older and have large social lives of their very own I don’t see them as a lot. In fact I would like them to be right here on a regular basis, however that’s not truthful to their dad, and it’s not truthful to them.
I would like my children to have quite a lot of issues I by no means did rising up. And a wholesome relationship with their dad, if I’m married to him or not, is on the prime of the record.
Diana Park is a author who finds solitude in a great e book, the ocean, and consuming quick meals together with her children.
